THREE A* GCSE'S IN PUNCHIN', KICKIN', AND SWEARIN'

how do?

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my name is jake lewsey. i am a former student and future skeleton, temporarily haunting the canals of birmingham, england until i eventually fall over forever. 

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i have been the solo sleuth at THE SLEEPY BONES DETECTIVE AGENCY since 2012, and i have solved zero crimes. some might call that an outstanding record. 

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instead, i have been writing things and also painting things. sometimes sticking things down with pritt-stick (other brands are available). i have been making audio-zines, which are like audio-books but stickier and have less pages. 

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i am a creative shark, and writing garbage is my swimming.

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i can be hired for a price, and fired out of a cannon for a much higher price.

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have a good night

jake x